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Rating
Synopsis
Around March 15, 1978, the producers of Cinderella and Fairy Tales submitted an ad in the Hollywood Variety. The ad was a call for “the world’s sexiest man & woman” and “the world’s most unusual act or personality.” The producers built two sets: a medieval dungeon and a French boudoir, and received hundreds of potential actors. Tons of eccentric people arrive, including shy schoolteacher Tracy Matthews (Bonnie Werchan) and the stud Charlie White (Rick Cassidy). Each potential cast member is asked to strip naked, describe their most intimate moments, and even please themselves. One of the more problematic applicants is Sally Webster (Linnea Quigley), who they discover is 15 and has her removed. As the day goes on, more and more people try out, and only the best can move forward. Who will get the parts of Sleeping Beauty, Prince Charming, and the comic relief for Fairy Tales II?
Review
Unfortunately, there’s not much I can say about Auditions because it’s barely even a movie. Sure, there are characters and a story, but I don’t know if those qualify, considering what’s here. The film claims that the people on screen are real, except that the credits ruin it. Granted, they probably would’ve been hit with at least one lawsuit if they had used actual people. It doesn’t help that one of the “plot points” involves a girl auditioning despite being a minor. Interestingly, this led to the film being banned in some countries, even though Linnea Quigley was 19 then. Then again, they would’ve had to watch the movie all the way through, which I can’t blame them. As a sex film, it’s not very erotic, as everyone strips naked, fools around, and makes complete fools of themselves. As a comedy, it’s hardly funny, with most gags falling flat.
As not good as this “movie” is, it’s an interesting relic from Charles Band’s catalog perfect for Full Moon completionists. There’s also some commentary about how some people are willing to do anything for fame, even if unintentional. Plus, the movie is just so bizarre and odd that, as boring as it is, there are little moments that will stick with you. It might be the closest Band has come to making something sleazy enough to feel at home on 42nd Street. That’s more than I can say for some of the other drek Charles Band made, like End of the World. Honestly, I almost half-heartedly recommend watching this at least once just for how bizarre the experience is. Just prepare for nearly 90 minutes of people stumbling, stripping, dancing, trying to be funny, and rolling around. Overall, Auditions would probably be better enjoyed with friends and liquor.
Buy Auditions from Amazon: https://amzn.to/4fvFLnX.
Disclosure: The above link is an affiliate link, which means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.
