While attending the School of Visual Arts in 2010, aspiring filmmaker Brendan Steere got an idea from an unlikely source. At some point, his phone autocorrected “velociraptor” to “veloci pastor,” which gave him the inspiration for a short film. Steere made a short film consisting of fake grindhouse trailers, one of which was for a movie called The VelociPastor. The video got tons of attention on YouTube, which inspired Steere to adapt the trailer into a full-length feature film. Between 2011 to 2016, he tried to raise funds for the movie through Kickstarter and Seed&Spark, but neither proved successful. Luckily, a private investor who was friends with his mother provided $35,000 to get the film going. The movie premiered in Portland in 2017, and eventually, Wild Eye Releasing picked up the distribution rights in 2018. In 2019, The VelociPastor hit DVD, Blu-ray, and streaming services across the country.
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Synopsis
While traveling through China on a spiritual journey, pastor Doug Jones (Gregory James Cohan) stumbles across an ancient artifact. Jones accidentally gets infected by the relic, which allegedly turns people into the “Dragon Warrior.” After having a series of nightmares, Jones wanders into a forest, turns into a dinosaur, and attacks some thugs. He wakes up in the bed of local prostitute Carol (Alyssa Kempinski), who explains what happened the previous night. She suggests Doug can use his powers to eliminate crime, but Doug doesn’t want to be responsible for killing people. That changes when Carol’s pimp Frankie Mermaid (Fernando Pacheco de Castro) confesses to Doug he killed his parents. After eviscerating Mermaid, Doug decides to kill evildoers despite objections from Father Stewart (Daniel Steere). Soon, a group of ninjas led by Wei Chan (Yang Jiechang) kidnaps Carol, forcing Doug into velociraptor action.
Review
Depending on your reaction to the title and premise, The VelociPastor will be either fantastic or stupid. This film is nothing more than a cheesy B-movie, and it mostly succeeds at being an entertaining one. Much like the original fake trailer, Brendan Steere filmed this in an old 1970s grindhouse movie style. There are film scratches, the occasional cigarette burn, and title cards in place of missing footage. Something tells me the filmmakers didn’t shoot this movie on film, but these touches help make it stand out. Also, while the movie is meant to be more tongue-in-cheek, every actor plays their parts completely straight. Greg Cohan makes for a great leading man, his performance reminiscent of Lon Chaney Jr. from The Wolf Man. Alyssa Kempinski also stands out as the hooker with a heart of gold and has excellent chemistry with Cohan.
The movie looks pretty good for a $30,000 budget, with some moody lighting and decent practical effects. While not the greatest, the gore effects are decent, with plenty of throat-slashing and blood sprays. As for the dinosaur itself, it helps that the filmmakers took the Jaws approach and didn’t show the suit much. When you get a complete look at the costume, it doesn’t look good, but it adds to the charm. Thankfully, you don’t see the dinosaur until the last 10 minutes, and you’re so engrossed that you don’t mind. Usually, I’m not a fan of intentionally bad movies because they typically feel hollow and artificial. In this case, it feels like the people behind the film cared and wanted to make a fun, dumb movie. Overall, The VelociPastor isn’t going to set the world on fire, but it’s enjoyable if you like cheesy movies.
Buy The VelociPastor from Amazon: https://amzn.to/3f6W4y5.
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